Nox was born to an Asian and Muslim family, where their household was strictly religious. The only people who know about their sexuality are their best friend and younger cousins. They were always curious about others as early as they could remember, but Nox started questioning when they were about 14 years old “when I finally found out people have different genitals.
“Not that it bothered me much – I was just surprised because I thought everyone had the same things I did,” they said.
And their best friend has been a huge support in helping them figure it all out, Nox explained. They never really had anyone to help them explore their identity.
Nox didn’t meet their best friend, Moon, until just a couple years ago and had to rely on limited research before then. Their cousins helped whenever they could but it wasn’t much as they were younger and not as knowledgeable being straight allies.
“It left me a tad bit confused,” Nox said. “I finally got the chance to seek some help and I’m glad I did so.”
It felt refreshing to finally start gauging their identity and know they weren’t the only one going through what they were.
“I was not alone in this for once in my life,” Nox said. “Aside from the bouts of gender dysphoria that comes when you’re part of a not very LGBTQ+ friendly family who constantly body shames you for not eating healthy, I became quite used to it.
“But now, I have my chosen family whom I can count on and who are the reason I’m living right now.”
Nox first came out to their cousins when they had a sleepover for the first time following my gramma’s death back in 2016.
“We were just talking about life and a lot of other stuff when I thought that I might as well come clean to them,” Nox said. “they may as well have been the only people to have understood my situation – and they were.
“They took it as calmly as 12-year-olds could and completely accepted that fact, and that made a huge impact on me. I was afraid they would hate me or tease me about it because nobody ever took me seriously but I was so pleasantly surprised I started crying in relief and happiness.”
But the near 20-year-old is still majorly in the closet because most of the people they know are extremely homophobic.
“I’ve had some difficulties with my friends from school due to this but other than that, since i’m still closeted, I’m relatively fine. As for my mental health, it’s going to take a while to heal, but it will.”
If you are not comfortable with coming out, you don’t have to force yourself to, Nox said.
“Take baby steps and rely on the ones you cherish the most — by no means do they have to be blood-related. And last but not least, love yourself.”