Love isn’t defined solely by physical attraction. Let’s learn something new today. 

As stated by our favorite “at-home doctor,”  WebMD, demisexuality is defined as “people who only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual or pansexual, and may have any gender identity. The prefix “demi” means half — which can refer to being halfway between sexual and asexual.” 

That initial “wow, they are gorgeous,” followed by the fast heart rate, dilated pupils, and if you’re anything like me, saying something utterly foolish does not apply here. 

So, there is no sexual attraction without an emotional bond. That emotional bond may take months to years to build. Typically we’ll see relationships involving one or more demisexual partners or parties start as platonic.

The demisexual pride flag, similar in color to asexual.

A platonic relationship allows the space or room for an emotional connection to grow and be cultivated. Once the emotional connection is made then the sexual attraction can possibly be met. Perhaps there’s even space to have a romantic relationship without the sexual attraction added to it. 

It’s completely possible when we take a look at the common traits when we look at asexuality. You can have a romantic relationship without any sexual attraction, so having the caveat is that there needs to be an emotional connection in order for there to be a sexual attraction. 

The Guardian notes demisexuality being coined circa 2006 by a member of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). The user, “sonofzeal,” “describes his experience of not being sexually attracted to people without first forming an emotional connection,” according to Feeld.co. “Sonofzeal felt neither asexual nor non-asexual and created the term to more accurately describe needing an emotional bond as a prerequisite to sexual attraction. By 2008, the term had entered common vernacular and started to have widespread use.”


Now to sapiosexuality – WebMD notes it as “a person [who] is sexually attracted to highly intelligent people, so much so that they consider it to be the most important trait in a partner.”

However, WebMD fails to state the fact that members of the LGBTQIA+ community and cis-gender heterosexual individuals can experience sapiosexuality. So it begs the question: Are they part of the LGBTQIA+ community too? 

The sapiosexual flag.

Our word-ly best friend Merriam-Webster notes the first use of the term “sapiosexual” in 2004, and is derived from the Latin sapient- meaning “rational, wise and having sound judgment.”

Now here’s where it gets really fun. You can be both demisexual and sapiosexual. It most definitely adds some “conditions” to a relationship. You have to ensure that you are intellectually attracted to the individual as well as emotionally attracted to the individual before a romantic relationship can be cultivated. However, it is always important to remember that despite the conditions or circumstances,  having both a sexual and romantic relationship is attainable and sustainable depending on the chemistry and strength of the relationship.  

Happy knowledge hunting!

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